‘Hello Garci’ jokebook

LAST NOVEMBER 17, http://www.professionalheckler.blog-city.com announced its choice for the [Worst] Filipino of the Year. Today, we will reveal the winners of our special set of awards in government and politics. These Filipinos represent the best and the worst among us.

Be inspired by those who showed excellence and learn from the mistakes of those who failed us.

The winners:

Harry Houdini Act of the Year. Who else deserves the award but former Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano. He made a fool out of everyone in the opposition. One day he is in Singapore, the next day, he is in London. A week later, Pimentel claims Garci’s in New Jersey even as Gilbert Remulla reveals he’s in South America. The next day, Lacson would report a sighting in Bataan. Just today, the senator says Garci is in Bukidnon. Talk about omnipresence. For all we know, he is so dead and his spirit has just embarked on a world tour. Matakot na kayo kapag may iniulat na bagong aparisyon sa Agoo.

[Oxy]Moron of the Year: Military Intelligence. If Abu Sayyaf leader Radulan Sahiron were an octopus, it would have been understandable and forgivable. But tentacled, he is not! To arrest the wrong terrorist in broad daylight simply because you couldn’t recall which arm was missing was an awful showcase of sheer idiocy to the googol degree. Nakakahiya kayo!

Orator of the Year: Susan Roces. Once more with feeling… altogether now: “You stole the presidency. Not just once! But twice-wice-wice-wice!” Ms Roces was so much better without a director. And how we all feasted on her outburst! “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw-kaw-kaw-kaw!” How lovely!

No Fear Award: Archbishop Oscar Cruz. For single-handedly opposing the illegal numbers game particularly jueteng when almost everyone else seemed [or pretended] to be oblivious of its continued operation.

No, Thanks Award: Vice President Noli De Castro. Members of the Hyatt 10 urged Kabayan to withdraw his support from the Arroyo government, act as leader of a united front against GMA and eventually take her post. He courteously declined. Good thing that he did. If not, that move could have virtually ended an otherwise lackluster political career.

I Repent Award: Dinky Soliman. Among the Hyatt 10 members, she was perceived to be closest to President Arroyo. But these days, the former DSWD secretary is the president’s worst critic. The question is: does the public buy her story? Maybe yes. But trusting her stories is one thing, believing in her is another. In fact, only a few seem to sympathize with the Crying Lady despite her admission of guilt. As Prof. Randy David wrote last Sunday in the Philippine Daily Inquirer: “In a culture that assigns a greater premium on personal loyalty and restraint than on moral correctness, Soliman may not gain much sympathy.” Mas galit ang tao sa traydor.

Pure Guts, No Glory Award: Retired Gen. Fortunato Abat. He openly called for GMA’s ouster and then proposed an alternative government. The problem is – he only believes in himself as the worthy successor to GMA. Think: he will overthrow the government, establish a new government, and then declare himself leader of that government – completely ignoring the will of the people. Isn’t that too self-serving?

The Exorcist Award. Fr. Robert Reyes’ quest for truth sometimes comes in strange forms or ways. If he isn’t running, he is refusing nourishment. If he isn’t marching with militants, he is celebrating a mass. Got no problem with that. However, when he starts acting as if he were Father Karras in The Exorcist, that is a bit disturbing. Apparently, the exorcism he once performed at the House of Representatives was a complete failure. After all, no amount of holy water could drive out more than 200 demons in one attempt.

Seeing Red Award: Former National Security Adviser Norberto Gonzales. With a McCarthyist mindset, Gonzales continues to wage war against Communists and suspected communists within our midst. He loathes Satur Ocampo, detests Paeng Mariano and abhors even the moderate Etta Rosales. Red will never be his favorite color.

Ulirang Anak Award: Cong. Imee Marcos. When Imee failed to show up during the crucial impeachment vote, former First Lady Imelda Marcos was used as a scapegoat. “Sana ay maintindihan ng aking mga kasama sa oposisyon na mahalaga ang saloobin ng aking pamilya at malaki ang paggalang ko sa aking ina. Gayunman, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang aking prinsipyo sa kinakaharap nating isyu.” Yeah right.

Big Mouth Award: Former Sen. Tito Sotto. At the height of the “Hello Garci” hearings, the opposition vowed to present a very vital witness in the alleged La Vista Subdivision payoff. They declined to name the witness saying he will only surface at the right time and at the proper forum. Apparently, he was still buying time and was thinking over if he should testify against GMA or not. After all, the government supported his failed gubernatorial bid in 2004. His identity remained anonymous until some guy named Vicente Sotto III – a political has-been – reportedly revealed his name during a radio interview. From that day on, former Isabela governor Faustino Dy Jr. was all over the news. Consequently, he refused to testify. Members of the opposition berated Sotto and called him names: pakialamero, atat na atat, chismoso. Poor soul.

Waiting for Good O Award: Loren Legarda. Good O as in “outcome” of her electoral protest against his kumpadre Noli De Castro. Loren is among those who refused to support a De Castro presidency had GMA decided to step down. The former senator is hopeful that the Presidential Electoral Tribunal will rule in her favor. If that happens, two women will govern the Philippines. Hmmm…

The Killing Fields Award. Given to the police force of Hacienda Luisita for the violent dispersal of farmer-protesters earlier this year. Yes, they may have been provoked. But they should have exercised maximum tolerance instead of retaliating with bullets.

The Amay Bisaya Anino Award: Rez Cortez. For staying behind Susan Roces everywhere – press conferences, rallies, interment, public hearings, birthday celebrations or prayer vigils. But be afraid. Be very afraid. Before you knew it, the masses would have elected another actor in the Senate. Dreadful!

Scoop of the Year Award. When the exchange of bullets settled, neither GMA 7 nor ABS-CBN had taken footage of the alleged Ortigas rubout. The lesser-known UNTV would outscoop ‘em all. UNTV was the same station that had to go off the air for weeks after being suspended by the MTRCB following a bitter legal battle between its blocktimer, Ang Dating Daan’s Eliseo Soriano and the influential Iglesia ni Cristo. Only a few people knew it existed until that fateful Monday evening. UNTV’s cameraman was at the right place at the right time. Concidence? Deepak Chopra calls it synchronization.

Starstruck Award: MTRCB Chairman Ma. Consoliza Laguardia. Yes, she’s doing her job. Erring programs and artists are being suspended. But what’s with the frequent guesting on gag shows, showbiz-oriented talk shows and even game shows? Is that part of your job as MTRCB chief?

Most Applauded Speech of the Year: GMA’s State of the Nation Address – as short as the President but well-received by everyone present in Congress except perhaps for the Senate President. Deadma!

People’s Choice Award for Protest Venue of the Year: Ayala Avenue. Thanks but no thanks to Erap-diehard Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay. Traffic jams were so monstrous that Makati City yuppies had to walk a kilometer or two to reach their offices. And the peso’s value dropped to record lows.

People’s Choice Award for Protest Speaker of the Year: Susan Roces. Everyone listens when she delivers her message, no matter how brief or trivial it was.

Looming Battle of the Year Award: GMA vs. ABS-CBN. Not GMA as in the Kapuso network. After the Julius Babao-Dawud Santos bailout brouhaha, all’s not quiet on the Mother Ignacia front. Expect something worse next year.

Political Statement of the Year: I am sorry by GMA. One word: Hmp!

________
for a daily dose of political humor, pls visit: http://www.professionalheckler.blog-city.com

hahahaha

pwede isali ang pcij blog sa awards?

make it the most read but never digested one.

ganda ng site pero parang hindi na-aachieve ang goals niya.

daming magaling mag-isip humihirit pero yung reality ganun pa rin.

pero kahit na ganun idol ko pa rin ang pcij blog.

pwede magkaron kayo ng segment sa TV?

puh-lease?

0_0