July 18, 2006 · Posted in: Political Humor
The Omen
JOKES, as PCIJ executive director Sheila Coronel wrote in the preface to the “Hello, Garci” jokebook, are the true signs of the times. All too often, they reflect the sentiments — and frustrations — of the political moment.
More than commentary on politics and politicians, jokes are a form of political participation, continued Coronel. “(By) joking, Filipinos show that they are watching, commenting, and taking part in what is going on.”
In the digital age, jokes have evolved from being merely passed on by word of mouth. Mobile telephony has made the instantaneous forwarding of jokes a national pastime. In the time of Gloria and Garci, the wiretapped conversations were spliced and enhanced with music to produce ringtones. Political humor has also thrived on websites and blogs that satirize the powerful, who are constantly subjected to mockery, mimickry, and ridicule.
Capitalizing on the multimedia capabilities of the Internet, Filipino humorists have also recently brought their skills and wit to an erstwhile underutilized format — video. Will it become a new protest form? If the video of lyrically challenged Alyssa Alano is any gauge, who knows?
For now, go check this one out or watch it on YouTube:
6 Responses to The Omen
scud_1975
July 18th, 2006 at 11:24 am
Little Juan goes to his dad and asks, “Tay, what is politics?”
Dad says, “Well anak, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Nanay is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. Your yaya Inday is working for us let’s call her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.”
So Little Juan goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the yaya’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the yaya. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Tay, I think I understand what politics is now.”
“Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.”
The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”
jester-in-exile
July 18th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
Q: What’s the difference between Enron and the Philippines?
A: When the chief executive of Enron committed fraud, he was indicted. When the chief executive of the Philippines committed fraud, she was delighted.
jester-in-exile
July 18th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
The day came when GMA got assassinated and was taken to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked her, “What did you do while you were on earth?”
GMA answers, “Well, I promised not to run for president, but I did not break my word — God said that I was the best choice. I called up a COMELEC official, but I did not commit electoral fraud — let’s just call it only a lapse in judgment. I did not manipulate Congress to kill the impeachment proceedings against me — let’s just say that I had supporters who believed in me.”
Saint Peter answers, “All right. You’re not going to Hell — God says you’re just going to have to go to a really hot place. You’re not going to be punished — let’s just call a bit of minor discomfort. You’re not going to be there forever — let’s just say that you’ll be there until hell freezes over.”
jester-in-exile
July 18th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
Queen Elizabeth II and GMA were in a podium, about to address a crowd. GMA tells Her Majesty, “I bet that if I wave my arms, I can make all Britons in the crowd cheer right now.”
Her Majesty graciously says, “We would be pleased to see that,” whereupon GMA snaps her fingers and with arms flying like a windmill leads the band, which plays God Save the Queen. The Brits in the crowd go wild and Union Jacks of all sizes flutter crazily.
The Queen thinks a moment, and then says, “We wager that with a wave of one hand, we shall make all Filipinos around the world cheer, and talk about us for a month.”
GMA arrogantly says, “Give it your best shot.”
The Queen slaps her.
jester-in-exile
July 18th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Q: What is the difference (well, at least another one) between a blood-sucking worm making a purchase and the squatter of Malacañang?
A: One is a leech who buys, and the other is a b**tch who lies.
Child: ‘Nay, bumagsak po ako sa math.
Mother: Mag-aral ka kasi, walanghiya ka! Kung babagsak ka lagi sa math, sa COMELEC ka pupulutin!
Q: Why does GMA surround herself with people such as Bunye, Gonzales, Gonzalez, Defensor, Kison, and Garcillano?
A: So that if some protester in a crowd shouts “Ang sinungaling tatamaan ng kidlat!” God would have a hard time choosing a target.
jr_lad
July 18th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
it’s joke time.
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a chemistry class mid-term.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave, therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman Year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct… leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”